Oh Dear: Attack of a Noob
by MustardGal
Summary: Introducing: Oreca Ri. Noob. Cannot speak our language without using abbreviations. What happens when she meets Patrick in the middle of Falador? Warning: She's an ultamite fangirl too. Written mostly for fun :P It dont have ne thing to do w story rly.
1. Chapter 1

Imagine this:

A small path that widens and narrows along the way. Patches of dirt here and there, grass off to the side of the path, whereas small shiny pebbles layered the path. Often you walk by a small puddle and a few rabbits or just random rodents, and sometimes you pass by similar people that you nod to as you pass by.

The pebbles start to increase, as the grass decreases, and you pass through a long arch of stone. People are pushing carts along side you, or dragging unruly boyfriends or girlfriends to try to correct their manner, or laughing with their friends.

All this is passing by you.

And the path leads up to one particular girl. She is standing by a stone building with her hands clenched in fists, holding her arms shakily in front of her chest, her hands resting right underneath her chin. She takes a step back as she finds she is in someone's way, and she then walks off, putting her arms to her side.

Ah, she shouldn't be afraid. Not her. Not Oreca Ri.

Oreca put her hands to her side and began taking each step firmly with confidence. She hopped over a few stones her and there, her grin getting wilder every hop. This was her life.

This, my friends, is an ultimate noob.

You wouldn't take Oreca as a noob. Well, maybe by her appearance: She was clad in long, baggy, black pants, and a white tank top to match it. She carried a long bronze sword at her side and a shield on her back. She walked barefoot: not that she didn't have any shoes… she just walked barefoot. Even I don't know why.

If you looked at Oreca's hair, you would stop and silently compliment, "Now how does she get her hair to stay like that? It's beautiful!" Oreca's hair wasn't really that ordinary. Sure, it was a dull brown color, but it was the style that everyone admired. Her shoulder length bangs were done in tight braids, and the ends were tied back with the rest of her hair that was in a ponytail. But then you would have to take a good look at her ponytail. You would find many tiny braids contained by the ponytail. Each one of the braided strands reached up and around of another braided piece of hair.

No one has ever asked how Oreca braided her hair like that. And she never talks of it. It's definitely not something to be afraid to ask; Oreca had just never cared.

And don't ask how she washes her hair. Because I don't know that either.

But now, let me introduce some characters who just happened to be in the same town as Oreca: Aay and Patrick Black. Both known far and wide for their talents and for their dedication to keep Runescape safe. Aay was currently standing in line impatiently to melt her ore, and Patrick was currently arguing with a bank teller who doesn't know how to count.

Oreca just happened to pass by Patrick, and Patrick had wished later that day that he hadn't been born. Now, how in the world did the all high and mighty PATRICK wish that?

Read and find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is mostly written for fun and just shows my weirdness --**

You probably thought I would go out of narrative mode and speak in someone's point of view, right? No! You guessed wrong, if you did guess at all. I will be here and there in the story.

And now, back to Oreca, as she first steps past Patrick Black, high and mighty, wonderful, courageous… :somebody comes out and shoots Mustard-Gal shouting they get it already:

Oreca was walking peacefully along the path she oh so admired. But then she stopped and glanced at the boot she recognized on the ground. A normal, black boot. But it wasn't normal to her at all. It could belong to the man she dreamed of seeing… She immediately turned around and watched a man about five years older than her pass by her. She watched how his hair blew in the wind, how his teeth shown white in the sun, how he blinked, how his eye's shown, the perfect curve of his chin… she turned on her heel and started following him. :This is how Oreca sees him, folks, and by other people's standards he could be the exact opposite of what Oreca imagines:

'Him' as in Patrick. Patrick Black.

Married to Aay Black. Aay. Oreca just snarled at her name. Aay Black. That woman, no, thing, married to her Patrick. Her Patrick, of all things! By golly, if she ever met Aay…

Patrick turned the corner, heading out of Falador. Oreca laughed silently to herself. Patrick probably didn't know he was even being followed! She began to watch the surroundings around her, difficult as it was, and found Patrick going into an alley of some sort. She didn't stop in her steps; she kept following.

She decided to run in the alley and corner him. She sprinted off and turned the corner and ran into the dark alley… But she ran into a wall instead. She gaped from the ground at the wall, and jumped slightly when she felt cool metal touch her neck.

"What do you want?" she heard the Patrick Black speak to her.

She squealed with delight. He actually spoke to her! She smiled up at him.

Patrick sheathed his sword and grabbed her arm, lifting her up like a piece of straw. "Who are you?"

Oreca gazed at his hand clenching his arm.

Now folks, Patrick was getting a little, just a little, creeped out. This girl wasn't saying anything, and was gazing at him like some stupid five year old. "Um…" Patrick started saying and quickly let go of her arm. He nodded to her and turned to leave.

"Oreca," she squealed out after she saw him leaving, "mi name is Oreca."

Patrick sighed. He thought he could actually walk away… but no. Poor Patrick. He turned around and held out his hand for a handshake. "My name is Patrick Black."

"I, like, know!" Oreca shouted at him. "I luv u!"

Great, Patrick thought, another kid who didn't know how to pronounce their words. :ANOTHER, Patrick? Just how many fangirls do you have!?:

"I'm sorry, but I must leave. I left my wife in Falador trying to get rid of you," Patrick said.

"Aay Black? Aay Black!? Tha 1! Wha 'bout mi!?"

Patrick felt like duck taping her mouth and giving her a book on grammar.

"Marry mi!"

Patrick left.

"Patrick, NO! Cum bak!"

Oreca watched him walk off. She looked for a slight blush or anything, but she had seen his eyebrows curve downwards: a bad sign for anger. But he couldn't possibly be angry with her! It must be his sign of a blush, right? Oreca fainted against the wall.

Patrick, meanwhile, was digging into his pocket for gold coins to buy himself and Aay a beer at the bar. Well, coffee is what Aay preferred. But they could rarely see that in a bar… so he decided to wait for Aay's suggestion. He walked up to the to where Aay was at, and grinned as he saw her walking out of the store, carrying a bag of mithril swords out.

"Just got finished?" He asked her.

"Yup. Just enough to buy us a whole new wardrobe!" Aay laughed.

They both walked back to the little inn they were staying at and deposited the bag in their room. They headed down to the small inn restaurant that they had, and both bought coffee instead of the beer Patrick had earlier plan.

"It's amazing," Patrick began saying, "how many people like to use slang."

"Well, its good to use when you're selling stuff, so you can sell faster," Aay pointed out.

"True, but not when you're asking someone to marry you," Patrick smiled at Aay.

"Did someone….?"

"Yup."

"Jeez."

"I know."

"When will they ever learn?"

"That I don't know."

"Pff."

"What's with this 'pff' thing of yours?"

"The 'pff' is a 'pff.'"

"That doesn't explain anything, Aay."

"Exactly. It's only mine to know."

"Ha-ha."

"Patrick! I luvers you!" came a screech from outside.

Patrick groaned.

Aay laughed.

"Patrick," a familiar voice said, "you might want to hide behind the counter," Otaku said, clad in her white knight armor.

The door crept open.

"Good idea," Patrick said and immediately got up and jumped like lightning over the counter.

"Patrick! O, Patricks! Where u go? ZOMG, where did he go!?" screeched the fangirl. "Anybody seen Patrick!"

Everyone shook their heads no.

"OMG, like, fine!" Oreca shouted. She turned but stopped when she noticed Aay. "OMG Ppl! Aay Black! WTF are you still doing alive!?"

Aay closed her eyes in frustration and held her head. Great. Another fangirl who wanted her dead. Not that enough people already did…

"I take you in DM!"

Aay put a hand over her mouth to stop from laughing. "DM? Are you serious?"

"Like, yeah!"

"Well, in your language, nty," Aay grinned at her.

Oreca gasped. "FINE. I take you on right now! Let see if Patrick guards u from dis atk!"

Patrick, meanwhile, was sitting behind the counter digging into some Al Kharid food that he found. He heard the clash of wood behind him and kept chewing his food. The Al Kharid food was good.

Aay, meanwhile, was looking at the fangirl, very bored. The fangirl, who was at least her age, had attempted to pick up a table to fight her. But she failed miserably. She had lifted the table above her head, and, miscalculating the weight, she toppled backwards, breaking the poor table in half. :Now what did it do to her!? I DEMAND JUSTICE! – random onlookers gaze at Mustard-Gal who is sobbing uncontrollably at her computer desk and they all offer her tissues, which she takes graciously, and after she used them she offered them back, for she felt bad for using their tissues. For some reason she didn't get, they declined:

Oreca got up from the floor and looked around once more for Patrick. "Patrick, I g2g and will brb! I will defeat Aay Black in a dm! NE1 will see mi return victorious! U ppl rly will!"

"Really?" Aay asked, who had started to clean her swords.

"Ya rly! Aay, mi n u 2m at Alk in DM. L8trz, baka!" the fangirl shouted and stomped out.

Aay didn't look up from her polishing. "Now, for that, I need a translator."

Otaku sat down next to Aay and started to help polish. "I think she met that she and you will meet tomorrow in Al Kharid for a death match. Then she said bye and called you a baka."

"Baka. I like that word," Aay pointed out. "It's just not insulting that much anymore." Aay turned around. "Patrick, you can come out now!"

Patrick was now holding his stomach from eating too much of the Al Kharid sweets. He groaned.

"You did it again!" Aay said, sighing. "You dug into the Al Kharid's sweets!"

"I can't help it," Patrick laughed. "I needed something to do."

"Uhhu. Let's order more coffee and head back to the inn. I'm ready to hit the sack," Aay said. She gave a yawn a few seconds afterwards that proved it. "And you need to get home so you can rest after eating all those sweets."

Patrick nodded and brought over two cups of coffee. He sighed and sat back, waiting for his stomach to settle. This is one of the many reason's he hated fangirls. It gave him the opportunity to eat the restaurant's Al Kharid sweets…

Now, folks, that is just one of the days with Patrick. Now maybe you see why Patrick had wished he hadn't been born: a fangirl was after him who didn't know how to talk and he was about to puke. Sure, he's been in worse pain… but the first encounter with a fangirl he could've ended up dead. Wanna know more? PM or leave a review to get Mustard-Gal's writing motivation back!

**I AM NOT TRYING TO INSULT ANYONE THAT USES SLANG. Even I use it sometimes. But not near as bad as Oreca.**

**Wanna see Oreca return to have a match off with Aay? What will happen if we all have underestimated Oreca? **

**:cough: well, my dear readers, behold, this new short series that I will or might write:D 'Tis about Patrick and his younger days with Dav. It will be mostly filled with fangirl attacks, noob attacks, emotional attacks, physical attacks… Um… Yeah… :coughs again: It might include Aay here and there. Would she have fanboys? I don't know. Does Patrick even have fangirls? Most likely not. But in this story, (which is focusing off of many behaviors in RS) he has more than a few. **

**I have no clue what inspired this idea. No clue. I just came up with it about an hour before I wrote it. Eek. **


	3. Chapter 3

**The time of this story? You can place it anywhere you want! You can set it right after Oh Dear III, or you could set it before Oh Dear III, or before ODII, or after ODII, or before ODI, or after ODII, or 100 years after or before ODI, II, or III, … basically, you choose.**

**It's an AU, I've decided. Characters that were once dead may be alive. So the stories that I might write about Patrick's past may be fake. I dunno.**

:plunk:

Aay opened her eyes.

:plunk:

Aay gave a little jerk when a touch of freezing water landed on her forehead. She then gave a groan when she realized the roof was leaking. She jumped up off of bed and put on a heavy coat to go outside. Patrick, of course, was sleeping peacefully having no rain drop down on his head.

She opened the door and immediately when she stepped out she landed in a puddle. "It's flooding…" Aay mumbled. "Darnit."

She stepped down the two stairs leading to the doorway, and landed in a few inches of water. She looked up to the sky. "I hadn't thought it had rained this much last night," she said to herself. She shrugged, not too worried about it flooding into their house. She grabbed hold of the door frame and swung herself up on top of the roof. She had grabbed some pieces of wood right before she swung up.

She walked over to where the leak should be and found the problem. The wood was getting soggy. She placed the new wood on top and nailed it in. She jumped down and making big splashes, walked into the house. She walked over to the fire and put some more wood on, and she slowly climbed back into bed and fell asleep again.

MEANWHILE… let's go to our character Oreca Ri, who was currently still in Falador. She didn't know where 'her' Patrick was and that he had went back to Varrock the day before. But Oreca was determined to see him again. And she would.

She was currently at the bar, writing down something on a piece of wrinkly paper. She signed her name at the bottom and put it in her pocket. She ran out and screamed at the top of her lungs, "which way si vrk?"

And of course, no one answered. It was the middle of the night. People wouldn't answer her. She should know that.

But… she doesn't.

"Vrk! Which way! Vrk vrk vrk vrk vrk vrk vrk! VRK VRK VRK VRK VRK VRK! OMG! Y wont u anser?" Oreca fumed and turned on her heels. "Fine! I go dis way!" she screamed and almost ran out of Falador… but not before getting a bucket of water dumped on her head. "ZOMG! Who did dat?"

"Shut up!" screamed a voice from a second story of a building. Oreca heard a window close.

"Dat was rud3! I m33t u in dm!" Oreca yelled while walking out of Falador.

"I'll take that bet," someone said from in the shadows.

"Who's there??" Oreca shouted.

A man with black hair and a red scar on his chin walked out. "Dav. Dav Black."

Oreca shook her head. "mi m33t some1 in dm 2morrow."

"But… you just said…" Dav said, confused.

"What did I say?"

Dav slapped his head. He cleared his throat. "Anyways, who were you going to fight in a death match?"

"Aay Black. Wait! If u dav black, u r the bro of Patrick!" Oreca shouted. "Marry mi!"

Dav took a step back. Ok, peoples, Dav was getting freaked out. The GREAT, POWERFUL, EVIL, BLUNT Dav? No way.

"Yes way," responds Dav. He turned on his heel and left.

"Yes way?" Oreca screamed, happy. "Hay! Where u going!? Cum bak!"

Dav was running away. To Varrock. This noob could NEVER find him there, right?

Wrong. Oreca was headed in that very direction in the middle of the night. She passed by the Barbarian Village, she guessed, for a humongous 400 pound man that was all muscles was lying on the ground next to the entrance, with a beer in his hand. She jumped over him.

Oreca noticed that the bridge was overflowing with water. She also noticed that Varrock was getting very, very flooded. Well. Oh Well. She was about to reach the other side of the bridge when someone shouted, "Summoning no Jutsu!"

Oreca shouted and jumped back a few steps. A kid with dirty blue hair was holding a Hamster. "What you coming for Varrock for? As you see, it is flooded."

"mi cum…" Oreca started saying.

"Ah! I recognize your appearance! They said a person with braids was after him."

"Patrick? Mi beloved!"

Kid Mental sweat dropped.

"Where is Patrick? Oreca asked sweetly.

"Um…" Kid Mental grinned evilly. He smiled sweetly back. "In fact, I can show you where he lives."

Kid Mental, you're evil.

Oreca clapped her hands and walked to him. "Show mi!"

Kid Mental walked her to a house that was average size. "Here you go. This is where Patrick… and Aay, live."

Oreca nodded and walked right in the house. "Patrick! OMG!" she screamed.

Kid Mental ran away and jumped over a fence. He turned around to watch. By now he guessed that Oreca saw Patrick and Aay sleeping peacefully; well, peacefully until they saw Oreca.

"Holy CRAP!" he heard Patrick shout. He also heard a crash of glass. He didn't really want to know what had broken.

Patrick walked out of the house with Oreca's arm locked behind her back. He sighed when he saw that Varrock was flooded here and there, and of course it had to flood at his house. He let go of Oreca. "Don't. COME. BACK," he said with venom.

Oreca started crying. "Patrick! Wut da matter!?"

Patrick shut the door, but it was opened quickly by Aay, who streamed out of the house.

Kid Mental cringed. Aay knew he did it.

"Mental!" Aay shouted. "Come out!"

Kid Mental grabbed a beer and jumped up so Aay could see him. "What up, Aay? You wakin' me up from me lovely sleep!"

Aay crossed her arms. "I'm sure. Who led that… person, here?"

Mental shrugged. "I don't know."

"I know you do."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Mental…"

"Aay…"

"Stop."

"Stop."

"Now."

"Now."

"MENTAL!"  
"AAY!"

"Pff…"

"Pff…?"

"Pff…!"

"PFF? Who the heck uses 'pff?'?"

MEANWHILE, let's leave those two, and go back to Patrick, who is currently trying to keep a fan girl out of his house.

"Marry mi!"

"No!"

"Marry mi!"

"NO!"

:cough: Let's go somewhere else. To… Dav, perhaps.

MEANWHILE, Dav was walking through Varrock, well, wading through Varrock. The water was up to his knees at some points. He was trying to find Patrick's house. He had never been there, but he was pretty sure he would find it… for he kept hearing Patrick's voice yelling no. And, Dav was right. Patrick was currently swatting off the girl trying to be mean, and Aay was fighting with Kid Mental, who kept summoning Hamsters.

Dav stood there a moment watching that. How DID he summon Hamsters, of all things? And why? He watched Aay do some hand motions and boom! There was two of her! It clicked.

Dav walked up, shouting, "No! You're doing the wrong story!"

Aay and Mental turned to him. "We are?" they asked.

"Yeah. Aay, you're NOT Naruto. Now give up the Kage Bushin. Mental…"

"It's my own Jutsu! You CAN'T take my Hamsters away from me!" cried Mental. The Hamster squeaked and hid under Mental's sleeve.

Dav sweat dropped and backed off.

Let's rewind. Aay was currently fighting Kid Mental, who was currently fighting using Hamsters. Aay, who was really soft at heart, couldn't bear to hurt the Hamsters. She backed off, making Mental the winner.

Patrick was sitting on the roof with an Umbrella and with a fan girl trying unsuccessfully to climb up. Aay walked right past the girl and jumped up, sitting beside Patrick.

Oreca pointed up to Aay. "Mi n u m33t in dm! 2day in Alk!"

"Fine!" Aay shouted. "I'll be there at noon."

Oreca nodded and walked off, probably tired of trying to climb up on the roof. She passed Dav who was arguing with Mental, but she turned around and grabbed his arm. "Dav!"

Dav cursed. Ah, poor Dav.

Ah, the joys of Runescape.

**NEXT: Aay vs. Oreca. Who will win? **

**Sorry to the people who don't like Dav. I couldn't bear to leave him out!**

**And I'm going to Cali so this will not be updated until after Christmas. Neither will Hidden Away, which MIGHT be updated tonight. I have chores to do now :tears:**

**And the flooding was based off of what happened last night. School's out because of it. It flooded a little in the back of our house, but its fine now. And I was supposed to go to Borders today. But I might not because the road might be flooded. :sobs to death:**


	4. Chapter 4

Greetings, and welcome to the land of Runescape. A land filled with dragons, imps, bad guys, good guys, kings, queens, and fish. And critters, can't forget the critters. But now, as we fly over Runescape, watching all these events, we stop on the road to Al Kharid, where currently Aay was. Patrick was following close behind, holding his sword out to defend himself if that Ri girl would come and attack him.

But, Patrick gave up and put his sword away as too many people crowded over them. Aay and Patrick were currently being followed by their friends, and of course, by Dav, who was waiting to see Oreca get her butt whipped, and also by very many random people, who were also waiting to see the fight.

Or just to get a good mining spot. I don't know.

They entered the desert, and soon all of them were gasping for breath, for it was very, very hot. Patrick wiped the sweat from his brow and forced his foot to take another step. Aay moved very slowly beside him.

It was all a great scene, really. Imagine this: A hundred people, leaning against each other, slowly dragging their feet up and down to take steps, letting their mouth hang open trying to take deep breaths.

And I thought I was bad in the sun. Weird.

Aay leaned against the fencepost to the building where they were to fight. "Man, I hope its air conditioned!"

"Air conditioned?" Patrick heaved out fanning himself with his hand.

"I don't know, but it just sounds good," Aay shrugged.

"And you'll be fighting outside, I think…"

"Great…"

"Yeah… oh well."

Aay looked around for Oreca. "She doesn't seem to be here."

"Maybe she chickened out," Mental suggested, who was sitting on the fencepost looking out at the vast desert.

"Yeah right," Aay sighed. "Does that mean I win by default if she's not here, though?"

Patrick shrugged. "Maybe."

Did it look that way? Did it look like Oreca Ri chickened out? Let's go over by her really quick, and see where she is. We find that she is actually nearing where Aay is. But you see a band of five more girls with her. Each has the same braided hair as Oreca, and all wearing capes of different colors. Their clothes consist of baggy pants and tank tops, and bronze swords and shields rested by their side and on their back, ready for a battle. Which wouldn't turn out very good.

Boy, were Aay and Patrick in for a treat. Oreca, and her newly formed clan.

Who feels sorry for Patrick?

For these girls were not any girls. They specialized in one particular person. Guess who.

Aay discovered Oreca coming to meet her. She jumped over the fence to meet this newly formed clan of hers, and she met her in the middle of the ring.

"Oreca, I see you have some more people with you. Who are they?" Aay asked.

Oreca flicked her hair behind her head. "mi clan."

"Ah…"

One of the braided haired girls took a step forward. "This si aay?"

"Yes, I am," Aay responded, reaching out a hand.

The braided haired girl shook her hand. "Mi name is Scarlett."

Aay nodded and tried to take her hand out of the handshake. Scarlett held on.

"This day will be ur last 1, Aay Black, wife of beloved Patrick," she warned.

Aay pulled her hand out. "I plan to only fight Oreca."

"If u lose, Aay, then another 1 of us will fight u, and so on, got it?"

"Fine," Aay said quickly, not thinking about it. It wouldn't be hard to fight these girls, would it?

Oreca lifted her hands. "Everbudy out of da ring!" She took out her sword. "I start."

Oreca jumped at Aay, who merely sidestepped Oreca. Oreca twisted around and thrust another, thinking she was quick enough to turn around faster than Aay. Aay held up her arm, having a mithril arm guard on, and blocked the sword. Aay stood there rubbing her eyes and the sweat from her forehead. She couldn't believe it would be this easy.

"Ok, ok! Peoples," Dav started to say as he jumped over the fence and walking over to the girls, "we all know how this is going to end up as. Aay will kick all those girls butts not even moving an inch. I suggest… a tournament of contests."

"Isn't that what a tournament is?" Mental shouted.

"Shh! I'm still explaining!" Dav growled at Mental who hissed back.

"Anyways, like a pie eating contest, a karaoke contest, anything that comes to mind! Who wants to suggest something?" Dav shouted.

"A pie throwing contest! Somebody needs to be the dummy, and Oreca and Aay aim for their face! Whoever hits the face the most wins!" Mental suggested.

"Good, Mental, I'm glad you volunteered!" Dav laughed.

"No, wait, I didn-t" Mental stuttered, almost falling backwards off the post.

"Somebody grab him!"

It was hell trying to drag him out in the middle of the ring, tying him up and eventually happening to confiscate his hamster that he was desperately trying to fight them off with. He growled at Oreca and Aay who were currently laughing at him.

"You can't do this to me! Give me back my hamster! I'll get sunburned! Let me go!" Mental yelled, who everyone ignored.

"What's the prize then?" Aay asked Dav.

Oreca butted in. "The prize is Patrick! Whoever wins get Patrick! Aay, if u lose, u divorce Patrick! If u win, u get to keep him."

Aay's eyes widened. "Divorce Patrick? Not going to happen."

Dav shook his head. "The prize will not, NOT be Patrick," he growled. Then he grinned and looked at Aay. "It'll be a date with me."

"No, no, no!" Dav yelled. "I was… joking."

"You better be joking, Dav Black. Remember what I did to when you kissed me?"

"Yes," Dav squeaked.

"Good."

Poor Dav stepped away from Aay, who was currently having fun scaring him. Let's fast forward a bit: Aay and Oreca are currently standing glaring at each other, pies in hand, and a cowering Kid Mental a few feet in front of them.

"Aay! You're not really going to throw that pie at me, are you?" Mental yelled at her.

"Yeah. It'll be my payback," she responded.

"For what!?"

"You know what, dear Mental."

Dav lifted a hand in the hair. "On your marks, get set, shoot!"

Oreca was the first to throw, and Mental laughed once he saw it pass five feet from his face. He turned to face her to stick his tongue at her, and his mouth opened wide with fear at the oncoming pie from Aay. "AHHH-H!!!" hacked Kid Mental when he spit out the pie that was filled with chocolate. He tried to duck under the next one, but it unsuccessfully hit him square in the face again.

Oreca kept on missing. Poor Mental. Not being able to know the feeling of getting ten pies in his face. Only five. Sadness 8D

"Gah! I give up!" Oreca screamed. "I cant beat u!"

Aay gawked at her. She gave up that easily?

Oreca stomped off, her friends following after her.

Aay looked at Patrick, who shrugged and gave her a thumbs up. She climbed over the fence and walked away, back to Varrock, where the raining was.

Oreca was going to make a plan. She could see that Aay was just a wimpy girl who had good aim. So, the plan would ruin Aay and she would be able to take Patrick. Oreca sighed and shivered in delight. Patrick would be hers!

**:SIGH: Man, I got so tired… this chapter is horrible :cries: and I hope Oreca's speech wasn't too confusing this time. I'm not doing that well at her internet speak haha… I'm just learning some of it myself… **

**If you do need help knowing what she's saying, though not many of you will need it, feel free to pm me about it :D **

**:SIGH: my mouth hurts. I think my wisdom teeth are coming in. darn. **

**Oh yeah… **

**HAPPY NEW YEARS! **

**I'm hoping this story will get better. This chapter was blah… **


	5. Chapter 5

"…"

"…"

"My life is so tragic," sighed Aay as she took a deep drink of her beer, which she didn't seem to do often… I mean… she never drinks…

"Why is your life so tragic?" Patrick asked.

"My mother and father abused me, well, not a lot, and my sister hated my guts, I had to run away to stay alive, I was betrayed and my little place was burned down, I had to work a lot to make a living, and a person tried to kill me 'cause my parents are evil, and my own sister tried to kill me… and now a crazy chick is trying to take away my husband and make my life miserable, and in another story my mother killed my unborn baby and made me unable to have kids again," Aay rambled on.

Patrick nodded and leaned back. "My father was murdered by your parents clan, my mother died of sickness leaving Dav and I to fend for ourselves, Dav turned evil and killed Pappy, who could easily be my second father, and then I had to kill him, and then Sliver turned evil…"

"Except Sliver doesn't exist in this story," sighed Aay. "He's currently on a break, and the author is just using us to make this story interesting."

"She just makes us want to suffer more," grumbled Patrick.

"Aye aye, brother."

"… I'm not your brother."

"… I didn't mean it that way…"

"Ah."

"PFFF…"

"Hn."

"Our life is so emo," they both sighed and drowned themselves in their beer.

XxXxXxXxXx

Oreca sighed and kicked a stone, though a second later she was on the ground and yelling profanity at the rock to not hit her so hard back. I mean, it's the Newton's Third Law, right? You will get what you give:the author feels so proud of herself for actually paying attention in Chem/Phys:

XxXxXxXxXx

"I haven't seen that Oreca girl around," Aay murmered to herself. She was currently washing dishes in the sink (where else would you wash them? The dirt?) and waiting for Patrick to return. He was bringing the chicken home. Poor, poor chicken… Aay began humming to herself to occupy her thoughts.

Patrick walked through the door and placed the chicken on the counter. He held his cold hands to Aay's cheeks and kissed her on the head. "I'm home."

Aay shivered and pushed him away. "I could tell."

He grinned and walked out of the kitchen, taking off his coat. He hung it over a chair and got out a book so he could start reading. As he was sitting down, he looked up at Aay who was currently ready to cook the chicken over the fire, which required lots of turning and sweating bucket of bullets near the fire. He would switch with her soon and give her a break. He shivered, a cold feeling washing over him. He paled and went to the window, his fan girl alert tingling.

Sure enough, Oreca was standing outside, arms crossed and a smug look on her face.

"Aay, did you know that Oreca is out there?"

"No, no I didn't. Maybe you can finally teach her a lesson!" Aay shouted back at him.

He gulped. "And how is that? Last time I remember, she was intent on fighting you."

"Say something insulting to her!"

"Is she older than you?"

"Um… I think she's a year or two younger."

That confirmed it. Patrick opened the door and pointed at Oreca. "I like older women!" he shouted and slammed the door.

He heard her gasp and he leaned against the door.

"You like older women, eh?" Aay growled at him from the kitchen. "Well, sorry if I'm not exactly granny over here."

Patrick slapped himself and went to her. "I didn't mean it like that… I just tried to get rid of her…"

Aay laughed. "Still, it was pretty funny…"

He gave a small laugh.

"… but if you ever, EVER, think I'm old, then grr to you, Patrick," she seethed at him and turned back to the kitchen.

"Aay, if you think about it…"

"hmm?"

"Then I'm old too. 'cause I'm clearly five to seven years older than you."

Aay stopped doing whatever she was doing with the chicken and looked up at him and grinned. "I guess you're right."

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"How is this chapter going to end?" sighed Aay. "It's made me realize how emo my life is…"

"Stop saying emo…" Patrick said. "It's making me feel…"

"Emo…?"

"Yeah."

:sigh:

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Oreca stumbled back to her little house. Patrick liked older women? What? Aay couldn't be that much older than her… how is that possible? She hadn't known Patrick was like that… what would she have to do to make Patrick like her? She pondered around in that empty little head of hers and snapped when she came up with something. She would be older tomorrow, right? So it should be good!

She ran to her little tent and climbed in and collapsed on her bed. Sleep. Tomorrow, Patrick would be hers.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Oreca knocked on the door, actually having the manners to not barge in. When the door opened, however, she practically shoved her self into Patrick's arms. "mi so happeh t0 s33 u!"

Patrick looked down at the bothersome girl hugging him tightly.

"I no u liek 0ld3r wm3n, btu I 0ld3r n0w!"

"Uh… no you aren't. Give it a few years, and I still won't like you."

Oreca gasped and hugged even tighter, making Patrick turn blue. "n0! Dat n0t p0ssibel1!"

"… you need to work on your language."

Oreca didn't comment. It takes the author too long to actually type that way.

Aay walked in and witnessed the scene. A vein bulged out on her forehead and she clenched her fists.

"Oreca… you better run."

"Nande?"

"… stop speaking Japanese."

"I no! but teh author n33ds to tak3 a t3st s00n! prctice!"

"My God… anyways, run."

"Nande?"

"Or I'll meet you in heaven."

"Alrihgt! Me planning to og th3r3 t00 sumday!"

Oreca didn't quite survive the punch that Aay delivered her : ) Aay carried Oreca out and put some ice on her cheek, and went back inside to a gasping-for-air-Patrick.

"You all right, Patrick?" she asked sweetly.

"Never better."

Now this is the part where the author would end it. As you probably have seen, the author has trouble ending things. She does it badly. Now, as you see, the author was very late with this chapter, and she will be late for Hidden Away as well. In fact, it won't be posted until her full metal alchemist story is done. So you'll just have to live a bit longer : ) Hope you enjoyed this crack filled chapter. The author just got the idea for it yesterday. she had a writer's block for this story, that she did… Oh… since not many people read my AN sometimes, I decided to put it mostly in here and get an answer for this question: this story more serious? Or leave it the way it is? Or have me stop interrupting? (don't worry, I'll eventually stop talking like this) anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Gambatte! ja mata, reviewers and readers-chan!


	6. Chapter 6

This story has been discontinued for so long, the author forgot what she wrote. So she read it again… and decided to complete it. But let's start the very short last chapter of the story where we all see Oreca standing on the side of the rode, holding her bronze sword in front of her, a bruise upon her cheek. Aye, it was a strange sight, as she was just looking at her sword in the bright sun. Many would wonder what she was doing.

She stood like that for awhile, why, I'm not too sure.

Finally she broke her stance and ran past the thief that started to attack her and she kept running until she was in Fallador. She pouted and slowed to a walk, pondering on what to do next. So far, she hadn't been successful in claiming Patrick as hers. Maybe she never would.

But did fangirls never quit?

No.

Because the author is a fangirl of misc stuff too, so she knows : P

Oreca passed by the bank and leaned against the cold wall. She breathed in and out and pondered and pondered what in the world to do. (Really, the author is just thinking of what to write next. I'm so horrible.)

Just then Dav walked by, whistling a happy tune. (Why is he still alive? I forget that) He had his hands in his pockets and was headed towards the bar to buy a drink. He noticed Oreca by the bank and something in his mind click. His face became more darker as he grinned in evil thoughts. He nodded to Oreca. "Hey you," he yelled. "Come!" he motioned and walked into the bar.

Oreca followed dumbly.

Dav was seated down in a chair when she arrived inside, and he took a drink of a beer that magically appeared in front of him. "I have a plan."

Oreca sat down and crossed her arms happily. "i lik3 plns!"

Dav sweatdropped, wishing he had a translator. Anyways, he took a gulp of his drink and set the glass down hard. "Oreca Ri, I have the most brilliant, brilliant plan!"

"Rlly?"

He nodded and held his pointer finger. "Part 1. You tell Patrick to come here for a last meeting."

Oreca nodded.

"Part 2. I tell everyone in Fallador to leave or it'll all be destroyed by me. So they will leave, of course. Because they all fear me because I'm awesome like that. Ha ha," Dav laughed, in a moment of worshipping himself.

He coughed and went on. "Part 3. We're gonna kidnap Aay. Don't worry, I have my ways," he said, when Oreca started to panic at the mention of Aay. "We'll bring her here too. Anyways…" he rubbed his head. "What was the plan again?"

Oreca shrugged.

"So we'll… uh… Look, how about you just end your obsession with Patrick?" Dav asked. "I'm much better."

Oreca shook her head.

"Are you mute?" Dav asked, annoyed that she wouldn't speak.

"i not mut311!!"

Oh yeah, right. He should actually be glad she's not speaking.

"ure not much h3lp. Fine, ill go fnd Patrick by myself," Oreca yelled. She ran out of the bar, leaving Dav much confused. He shrugged and still wondered what his oh so evil plan had been…

Oreca ran out of Fallador and right by where the Wizard Student…people were dressed in all different colors. It just so happened that Aay was standing there talking to Patrick, holding a Rune scimitar and was dressed in Rune armor (the author just defeated the Dragon Slayer woohoo!) They both stopped when they saw Oreca.

Oreca took a step onto the grass and started running towards them. "i wont giv3 up, ill nvr surender, ill…!"

Be turned into a mushroom?

That's exactly what happened: The Wizard dude who I forget the name shouted, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF SARADOMIN, SHUT UP!" And he cast her into a mushroom.

Aay and Patrick walked past the new mushroom, hand in hand and content that they wouldn't be bothered by Oreca again.

Oreca stayed a mushroom.

Because why, I don't know.

-fin-

**By golly, what a disappointing ending :P But who wouldn't like being turned into a mushroom? I wouldn't! It'd be fun… but I'd actually want to turn back into myself again…. I'm not asking for reviews, this chapter was just made so I could complete it. You can still review if you want to... just... don't diss it, because I already know how bad it is XD **


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